I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
