So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He better not be in your backpack
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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