I will die if light touches me.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
