What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
