She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
