he told me I talked like a deaf person
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
