And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
