she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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