The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
