I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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