Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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