I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize