I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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