it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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