I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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