My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
