you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize