Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
