i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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