I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
