She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
