he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
