just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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