Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
