i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
