Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
