someone owes me an orgasm
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
