i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
