you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
