Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So apparently I’m into choking now
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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