Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
