i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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