??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Quick, to the slutcave!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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