if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize