i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
worst night to have a conscience
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
