Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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