it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
