Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
