It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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