we have officially lost it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
