she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
