YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize