he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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