Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
