I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
