Sry I called you an 8
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
