Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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