i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize