She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
