I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
