I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
