Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
