The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
