there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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