I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
