I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
