I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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