I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
