Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
