And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
