He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
