if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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