This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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