My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
