you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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