You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
