The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
