I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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