his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
