Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
